What to Do Before and After Your Baby Arrives

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The first couple of months after a baby has been born is truly special, so as parents, we want to know what to do before and after our baby arrives. These first couple of months are a period of what Montessori parents call symbiosis.

This period is called symbiosis because the relationship between parent and baby is mutually beneficial.

Think about it.

With skin-to-skin contact between you and your baby, and between your partner and baby, you're fostering connection and comfort. You're also supporting your baby’s immune system, heart rate, and temperature regulation. All the while, you'll feel a sense of calm.

Your partner also has a sense of purpose when the baby is around - taking care of phone calls, and errands, and being the protector.

Symbiosis is all about building a family together.

These first couple of months lay the foundation of trust for your baby. This is also a special time for bonding.

With all this said, not everything is easy during this time.

As parents, we have to do the work to prepare for our baby’s arrival. We also need to know what to do when we bring the baby home.

I’m not just talking about basic preparations like your birth plan, your hospital bag, and your baby registry.

I’m talking about preparing the home, activities, ourselves, and others.

In this article, I am going to share my advice for you so you’ll know exactly what to do before and after your baby is born.

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Preparing the Home Environment

There is a lot more to do around the home to prepare for your newborn other than work in the nursery.

Of course, it’s lovely to have a nursery with beautiful items, but the reality is that your newborn may spend a lot more time in your room and the living room.

Declutter

I suggest that you go through every room one at a time and find items to declutter.

Trust me, your newborn is going to want things to be orderly and predictable.

Nothing creates overstimulation more than chaos.

A decluttered space is a simpler space and a simpler space helps us slow down and stay calm.

Plus, this will keep you and your partner sane on days when you both just want to lay in bed and spend time with the baby. I certainly had days like this but quickly became overwhelmed when I realized I had more clothes than I needed.

I know, how could I have possibly been thinking about clutter with a newborn in tow? But I did, so better get that decluttering out of the way ahead of time.

Set Up Areas Where Your Baby Will Spend Their Time

As I mentioned, newborns thrive in predictable environments.

You can create predictability through points of reference - objects that are always there in certain circumstances and are familiar to the baby.

For example, a mobile above their movement area and a sound machine in their sleeping area are great items for your baby to become familiar with.

You’ll also want to ensure different areas or spaces are ready to go when they arrive. Make sure to keep these areas as consistent as possible.

These areas include the following:

1. A feeding area:
   • Will you be using a nursing pillow?
   • Where will you be feeding them? In a rocking chair? The couch? Your bed?
   • What items will you quickly need while you're feeding your baby? Perhaps a burping cloth, a pump, a water bottle, and a snack?
2. A sleeping area:
   • Where will your baby be sleeping? Will you start with a bassinet or a Moses basket? Or will they be sleeping in a crib from the beginning? What about a floor bed? Are you considering co-sleeping?
   • Will your baby be taking naps in the same place they sleep for bedtime?
3. A changing area:
   • How big is your home? Do you have multiple floors, in which case you may want multiple change stations?
   • Are you using a changing table or just a changing pad on the floor? For example, in my two-bedroom apartment, I used a changing table in the nursery but I just put a changing pad on my bed for nighttime diaper changes.
   • Make sure you have diapers, wipes, extra clothes, and diaper rash cream at the ready.
4. A movement area:
   • Where will your baby be playing? In the living room or nursery? How about both?
   • All you’ll need is a play mat or activity gym, a toy or something to look at, and enough space for your newborn to move freely.

Limit Stimulation

The world is brand new for your newborn.

This means that everything has the potential to overwhelm them.

A calm environment is crucial to a baby’s trust in you and the world around them.

Here’s how you can limit stimulation when you bring your baby home:

Make sure the temperature is warm

If you can’t control your temperature, consider purchasing a heater and stock up on receiving blankets for layering at nighttime.

My baby was so cold at the hospital, so we had to wrap him in multiple swaddles. No one told me that we could make our room warmer during our stay!

Ensure lights are dim

Babies can feel overwhelmed if a room is too bright. Dimming the rooms during the first couple of weeks can help them feel relaxed.

Save visitors for later

I was happy to have my mom over to help but anyone else at that time was a no, no.

When my baby was just a 1-week old, I made the mistake of bringing him to my dad’s for dinner to celebrate Father’s Day.

He wasn't used to his home, yet we exposed him to another new environment! Not to mention, my partner and I should've prioritized getting to know him before taking him out to meet family.

If you have other kids, encourage them to stay quieter than usual

It’s not always possible for us to keep kids quiet, but don’t worry - your baby will get used to their sibling’s rowdy behaviour!

Final Thoughts on Home Preparation

What I want to emphasize is that babies don’t need much.

I mean it.

All babies really need is security, which we can accomplish by feeding them, helping them sleep, changing their diapers, keeping them clean and warm, relieving their gas, and offering safe arms to snuggle.

That’s it.

Everything else is extra fluff to pick and choose from.

I’d say that orderliness and predictability through points of reference are also important for fostering security.

Speaking of predictability…

Let’s talk about some activities that you can prepare for your newborn to keep them busy. Some of these activities may even let you rest for the briefest moment.

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Preparing Activities

There are three experiences that occur in utero: tactile, visual, and auditory.

You’ll want to consider how you’ll re-create these experiences postpartum to help your baby feel comfortable.

Tactile Experiences

Babies receive a lot of sensory input through their hands and feet in utero, here’s how you can continue this input:

Avoid putting baby mittens on your baby’s hands and instead keep them free

I’m not talking about mittens that keep their hands warm outside during the cold seasons.

I’m talking about those mittens you’ll sometimes see attached to sleepers or are sold separately to prevent your baby from scratching themselves.

Don’t worry about scratches on their face. They’ll heal quickly!

Believe me.

Instead, you can get a baby nail filer or nail cutters - cutting a baby’s nails is easier than it seems! You can cut them while they're feeding, for example.

Your baby will love using their hands and it’s a great way for them to explore their environment.

Consider buying, or making, a topponcino

I talk more about topponcinos in this article, but basically, they’re like a pillow that a baby can lay on and that you can use for picking your baby up or passing them to another person.

This can help you carry them more gently and it offers a soft, cozy tactile experience for your baby. They also help limit stimulation!

Slow everything down

Be prepared to take things slow.

Most of us are used to the hustle and bustle of everyday life but your baby isn’t. So, slow down every aspect of their life.

Get used to the idea that day-to-day activities will take longer than you’d like.

Handle diapering, bath time, and changing clothes with care.

As an auditory bonus, tell your baby exactly what you’re doing to them as you’re doing it.

Research how to massage your baby

Some babies love massages - just think how relaxing it is when you get one! When your baby seems content and relaxed, try it.

Steer clear of restrictive clothing.

You want your baby to be able to move around comfortably.

Babies spend most of their time relaxing or exercising through tummy time and movement.

Imagine doing any of those things in a pair of jeans or a frilly dress.

Another thing to consider is buying clothing that you can slide over your baby’s legs instead of over their head.

My baby would scream when I tried to pull a sweater over him. Think about how distressing it would be not knowing what’s happening and suddenly something is smothering your face.

I know this isn’t possible with every piece of clothing but try to keep this in mind when possible.

Visual Experiences

As early as 27 weeks in utero, your baby will start to notice and respond to things around them. You can continue to foster their visual development through the following activities:

Buy a couple of visual mobiles

I have a visual mobile from Lovevery’s The Looker play kit above my baby’s changing table. He adores it and it keeps him occupied while I change him.

You can purchase or make a couple of different mobiles and hang them where your baby plays frequently.

There’s a chance your baby will be able to stare at it for quite some time, which can give you the space to sit back and relax.

Let your baby focus on faces

Newborns can see at a distance of about 6-12 inches.

Holding a baby close to your face can let them absorb your facial features. Faces really bring out the joy in babies!

Talk to them up close so they can see your lips move as an added bonus for their language development.

Give your baby a home tour

Showing your baby around the house every day will help them settle easier and learn about the environment they’ll be in on a daily basis.

They’ll find little things to be interesting, like turning the light switch off and on and opening cupboards.

You can even turn this into a tactile experience by running your baby's hand under warm water!

Auditory Experiences

Babies start to hear sounds inside your body around 18 weeks. At about 27 weeks, they can hear sounds outside your body. They get to hear the sound of your lovely voice this early so you should continue to provide this type of input postpartum:

Talk and sing to your baby

One of the easiest ways to occupy your baby is by talking and singing to them.

You can talk to them about anything - it’s all about language development here! For example, tell them about the day they arrived and what your hopes and dreams are for them.

You can sing them nursery songs or songs that you love.

If you can’t remember the lyrics, make them up! Your baby will love hearing your voice anyway.

You can also play music and listen with your baby as opposed to playing it in the background, which can be overstimulating.

Place baby on your belly

By placing your baby on your belly, you can let them hear the sounds of your heartbeat and digestive system, reminding them of their time in utero.

Bring your baby outside

The sounds of birds, insects, and people are all wonderful for a baby’s auditory experience.

You can watch your baby as they listen to these sounds intently.

A Note on Language and Motor Development

The two main areas of development that are at work, especially during a baby’s first year are language and motor.

The best way to help a baby’s language and motor development is to remove obstacles where possible.

For example, if you choose to let your baby use a pacifier, use it for bedtime only and avoid using it when a baby is trying to communicate.

By letting your baby communicate through crying, you’re showing them that they are being heard and that you’ll respond. If you force a pacifier on them while they’re communicating something, you’re basically telling them to be quiet!

My baby wouldn’t even let me give him a pacifier for bedtime, so I gave up. He’s sleeping just fine without one. Of course, every baby is unique, so if a pacifier helps your baby sleep, go for it!

To help with movement, you can restrict the amount of time your baby spends in containers, such as a bouncer, and let them have as much floor time as possible. This way, they’re free to kick and swing their arms as they please.

Supporting these areas of development doesn’t have to be a tedious process.

By simply allowing your baby to play on a movement mat, communicate their needs, and talk, read, and sing to them, you’re already doing so much for your little one.

Preparing Ourselves

Having a baby changes our lives in so many ways.

A change this big means we have a lot of mental work to do ahead of time.

The Baby Blues

I was overjoyed when my son was born.

After a couple of weeks, I was overcome with sadness.

Even with people all around me, I felt alone.

Being a mother can be isolating because most people think they should give you space. At times this is true, but often enough, becoming a mom is when you need others the most.

Postpartum depression (PPD) can be a dark place and I want you to be prepared that it can happen to you.

I thought depression would be something I would never go through, but it did, and I thought I was a horrible mother. Really I was just stuck.

The first couple of nights are especially difficult.

With the exhaustion, learning how to breastfeed, and offering your baby comfort, you might struggle to feel the love at first.

I want you to know this is completely normal and will pass.

Look out for your partner as well because they can experience PPD. Be there for each other.

If PPD is something you can’t shake, I highly recommend seeking professional help. You won’t regret it.

Life Will Get Messy

You should anticipate having to pick your battles after your baby arrives. Should you get some quality rest or clean the mess you can’t stand looking at anymore? I struggled with the former and found it difficult to accept mess for a while.

There were times when I couldn’t shower for 3-4 days because I was exhausted.

But, you know what? That’s OK because I was taking care of a new human being and it was just a season of life.

I eventually found my rhythm and I know you will too.

Work on Your Mindset and Write Affirmations

Truth be told, I had my doubts that I could be a good mother.

I thought of myself as too self-centred and didn’t know how I’d be patient enough to raise a baby. But I am.

I didn’t think about changing my mindset until I took a blogging course in preparation for launching this blog.

Though this course is focused on becoming a blogger, a particular lesson can be applied to other areas of life.

One thing I learned from that course is that my actions are fuelled by my thoughts and feelings. If I can work on these, then definitely will know what to do as a mother.

So, what’s one thing you can do when you need a bit of a confidence boost? Write down some affirmations. For example, “I have everything I need to raise my baby,” or “I have what it takes to be a good mom.”

Go ahead! Write them down and stick them on your wall or your fridge as everyday reminders. Better to have this mind-shift set before your baby arrives.

Take Care of Yourself Physically

After giving birth, the last thing I wanted to do was exercise.

My partner and I also didn’t want to think about making food (we ordered a lot of takeout for the first week after birth).

HOWEVER, I advise against doing what we did.

The thing is, aside from having a baby with needs, part of the reason we had little energy is that we didn’t take care of our bodies.

What I want you to do is either prep meals in advance (yes, it’s a lot of work but many parents swear by it) or ask someone to make meals for you. I also suggest you take daily short walks with your baby once your doctor or midwife gives you the OK.

These two simple things will work wonders for your body and I’m sure your baby will love to join you as you walk and exercise.

Build on Your Knowledge

Intellectual preparation is important. The fact that you’re reading this blog post suggests you’re in the right direction.

Take a prenatal course, listen to podcasts, read blog posts, and watch YouTube videos by influencers you can connect with. Of course, read books, and if you’re not a reader, listen to audiobooks instead.

You’ll constantly be learning new things because your baby will be different from other babies. Still, building a foundation will make all the difference.

It’s more effective to know what’s normal body temperature for a baby and what you need for their first bath from the get-go, for example.

Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness

Mama, you’re going to make mistakes.

That’s a fact.

I’m still a new mom and I know I’m going to continue making mistakes.

It’s crucial that you let go of perfectionism and forgive yourself when mistakes happen. The last thing you and your baby need is for you to give up. Teach your partner to forgive themselves as well.

Trust yourself and your instincts - you’ll know your baby best. You have what it takes.

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Preparing Others

I will only touch on this briefly but you might find that you need to prepare others around you before you welcome your baby.

Set Ground Rules

One of the biggest mistakes I made was not setting ground rules with other people.

Assertiveness is a huge struggle for me and I’m a natural people-pleaser. Within the first month, I was already letting too many people visit. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t have the voice to say, “Not yet.”

I know many parents are uncomfortable with their baby being held by other people too soon because babies are more vulnerable to illness. Some parents don’t want people near their baby unless they have the flu shot.

Whatever rules you want in place, please don’t be scared to lay them out.

So many people in my life obsess over giving babies water and solids early. You do you, but I suggest you add a rule that no food or water is allowed until your baby is at least 6 months old or when your doctor gives the go-ahead.

Communicate Your Needs

I think what I needed the most help with when we brought my son home was cooking and cleaning.

My mom wanted to help with the baby but there wasn’t much she could do since I was breast-feeding. What my partner and I really needed was someone to do our laundry and dishes.

Your needs may be different. Perhaps you have another child, a dog that needs walking, and phone calls to be made.

Whatever your needs, plan ahead with the people who will be there for you. After I gave birth, my partner and I had a significant case of baby brain and didn’t even know what to ask for.

So, please write down a list and delegate.

If you don’t have help from friends or extended family, you may need to hire people to help you. Otherwise, you can do some of the other things I suggested like freezer prep meals and make peace with mess.

Some Additional Tips

• You might have a baby who only likes to snuggle and doesn’t want any floor time. You can make this a gradual process by laying on the ground with them on your belly, then putting them on the ground and progressively moving further away from them. Give them eye contact and lay your hand on them to reassure them that you’re there.
• Think about activities that keep you calm and don’t forget to use them. Your baby will cry over things like diapering at first, so you don’t want to add fuel to the fire by giving in to their anxiety.
• Talk to your baby before something happens and give them eye contact. Remember to keep things slow.
• Use breastfeeding as an opportunity for rest and connection, not phone time. Breastfeeding is a mutually beneficial activity!
• Journal all about your experience. Not only does journalling give you room to lay out your thoughts, but you can keep track of your baby’s milestones and make observations about them. It’ll be fun to look back at your memories!
• Encourage your partner to find ways to bond with and soothe the baby. They often discover new ways of soothing babies that you’ll never get away with. Your baby will learn the difference between the way you act with them and the way your partner acts.
• Your romantic relationship with your partner should continue. To keep your relationship alive, you need to support and not forget your love for each other. Make sure to plan date nights and get at least 30 minutes to an hour of alone time together (once your baby is on a more consistent sleep schedule of course).
• Finally, make sure to keep your friends close!

Conclusion

There you have it.

This is some of my advice for preparing for a baby and knowing what to do when you bring them home.

I have no intention of scaring you with this information. Rather, I hope it’ll help you feel reassured and less alone.

Undoubtedly, you’ll have different experiences but I’m sure you’ll find some ways to make the information from this article useful for you.

Enjoy the period of symbiosis with your baby. You got this. You know exactly what to do.

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