Identity Change in Moms and How to Make Peace With It
Becoming a mother is a wonderful and life-changing, yet terrifying, experience. It also inevitably leads to identity change in moms that can be challenging to navigate.
In this blog post, I will discuss the multifaceted aspects of identity change experienced by new moms.
From body image concerns to shifts in priorities and evolving social dynamics, I'll delve into different examples of identity change in moms and the complex nature of this life transformation.
More importantly, I'll discuss strategies and insights to help new moms embrace their evolving identities and find strength amid change.
Without further ado, let’s get into it.
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1. Body Image Concerns:
The physical changes that result from pregnancy and giving birth can trigger a range of emotions related to body image.
As a woman and mom who’s always struggled with my body image, I understand the pressure other new moms may feel to conform to societal standards of postpartum beauty.
It's essential to recognize that everybody tells a unique story of motherhood.
Embracing these changes can be empowering, fostering a positive self-image that extends beyond external appearances.
Our bodies are remarkable - I mean we gave birth.
It will take a lot of self-love, patience, and kindness to be comfortable in our bodies after giving birth, but don’t worry we’ll get there.
If you want to explore how mom guilt impacts your identity and life as a mom, grab my FREE Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal. Sign up below!
2. Loss of Independence:
The shift from independence to parenthood is hard, to say the least. It’s a common identity change in moms.
I’ve felt a profound loss regarding my freedom and autonomy and I know many other new moms feel this too.
Shifting from being able to go anywhere you like, when you like to having to consider childcare is a big adjustment.
To combat this loss of independence, we always need to consider how we can set time aside to do something we want and have our personal space.
The best way to do this is to communicate with your partner how you feel so they can take care of the baby while you spend time alone. You probably reciprocate this tenfold already.
3. Priority Shift:
Naturally, having a baby means your priorities will shift.
Your personal goals, hobbies, and career aspirations may be put on the back burner and seem less important to you.
This shift might foster a sense of loss is many new moms as their focus shifts to the needs of their child.
It's crucial to navigate this shift by setting realistic expectations for yourself, acknowledging the value of your personal goals, and finding a balance that aligns with both motherhood and aspirations.
Remember that prioritizing yourself sometimes is not selfish - it’s actually a trait your child will grow to admire.
Plus, your priorities don’t always have to stay the same. They can change day-to-day, week-to-week, or even month-to-month.
Whenever I feel stuck on my priorities, I like to identify them by listing different areas of my life and reflecting on how I feel about them at that moment.
So, some days I want to work harder on my relationship with my partner and others I want to just spend time with my baby. Some weeks I want to focus on my business and others I want to work on my personal growth.
This is a simple, yet powerful strategy.
4. Identity Confusion and Self-Doubt:
The evolving role of a mother can prompt interesting questions about personal identity.
New moms may grapple with self-doubt and confusion about who they are now. I know I certainly have.
In overcoming this challenge, reflection on values, interests, and personal goals can become a useful tool for self-discovery and growth.
5. Career Concerns:
Balancing career aspirations with the demands of motherhood is a huge struggle for new moms.
I used to pride myself in being a hard worker and now I have no desire to return to work.
Honestly, if my partner and I had more money, I wouldn’t go back to work at all. I do want to go back to graduate school though.
Having a baby actually inspired me to start this blog and my online business so that I can quit my job and pay for graduate school.
Feelings of guilt or inadequacy may arise for some new moms as well.
Again, setting realistic expectations and exploring flexible work arrangements can help new moms maintain a fulfilling career while navigating the challenges of motherhood.
6. Changes in Social Life:
Time constraints and a change in interests can reshape a new mom's social life.
You might lose friends or see friends less. Social activities may look different as well.
Embracing these changes and finding ways to stay connected with friends who understand the challenges of motherhood is essential.
For instance, most of the time I see my friends, my baby is around. Because my friends are supportive, they’re cool with this.
The way I see it, having a baby is a good way to needle out the friends that aren’t so good for you.
7. Social Comparisons:
The age of social media can intensify feelings of inadequacy through constant social comparisons.
I still find myself comparing my lifestyle and how I do things with my baby to other new moms on TikTok on IG.
It’s fun and beneficial to watch relatable and informative content on social media to feel connected to other new moms, but it doesn’t allow you to think badly about yourself for doing things a certain way.
I’ve also caught myself multiple times putting myself down because I’m not ready to start exercising while other moms started exercising as soon as they were given the go-ahead.
It's crucial to remember that every mom’s journey is unique, and the curated images online may not reflect the full reality of motherhood.
8. Loss of Spousal Connection:
The dynamics of a relationship can shift after the arrival of a baby. Identity changes in moms and their partners are big contributors to this shift.
Unfortunately, gender role conflicts and restricted freedom after having a baby often result in a loss of connection between partners and relationship dissatisfaction.
Open communication, shared responsibilities, and prioritizing quality time together are vital for maintaining a strong spousal connection with your partner.
My partner and I are still working on this even 7 months postpartum.
Summary: Making Peace With Identity Change
Set Realistic Expectations
Shift your mindset so that you acknowledge that it's okay not to have everything figured out.
Setting realistic expectations on what you can and cannot do after having a baby can reduce feelings of overwhelm and create space for growth.
Reflect on Values, Interests, and Personal Goals
Take time to reflect on personal values, interests, and goals.
Being more self-aware has helped me form the foundation for loving and appreciating my new identity as a mom.
I’m not at a place where my identity aligns with both motherhood and my personal goals.
Reconnect with Hobbies and Interests
Rediscover hobbies and interests that bring you joy and really light you up.
Setting time aside for your passions can be refreshing and contribute to a well-rounded sense of self.
Prioritize Self-Care
I know self-care has already been thrown in your face, but it’s always helpful to be reminded over and over again.
Prioritizing self-care is not selfish, but rather is necessary for maternal well-being.
Whether it's a short break for meditation, a nice bath, or a walk in nature, self-care rituals will help you stay in touch with who you are.
Communicate with Your Partner
Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial.
Share your feelings, expectations, and aspirations to foster a supportive partnership.
You need to navigate parenthood as a team.
Explore New Identities and Roles
Motherhood doesn't erase previous identities; rather, it adds new dimensions to one's sense of self.
Leverage the opportunity to explore and integrate new identities and roles that align with your new life.
Professional Support
Seeking guidance from a counsellor, therapist, or life coach can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.
Professional support can offer you a safe space to explore feelings and challenges associated with identity change in moms.
Embrace Flexibility
Flexibility is key while you go through the journey of motherhood.
Go with the ebb and flow and adapt to new circumstances with an open mind and strength.
Celebrate Achievements
Recognize the resilience and strength it takes to navigate the challenges of motherhood.
You should be proud of this achievement.
No matter how small, being a new mom and successfully raising a child is something to celebrate and you should be proud of yourself.
Journal about your experience as a mom and really sell yourself on the fact that you’re doing a damn good job.
Identity change in moms can be massive and hard to adjust to.
Addressing concerns around body image, independence, priorities, and relationships, can help you as a new mom find your path to self-discovery and empowerment.
Set realistic expectations, prioritize self-care, and embrace this new identity that comes with the incredible responsibility of raising a child.
Remember, your experience in motherhood is unique for every woman, so focus on who you want to be and don’t stress about what other people think about you.
Only you know how to discover who you really are. Give it some time.
If you want to get more help with adjusting to your new identity as a new mom, make sure to join my Facebook group! I’m building a community of new moms and go live in the group every week!
Excited to see you there!
Grab my FREE Letting Go of Mom Guilt journal below so you can explore how it impacts your life as a mom!
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