There's Something About Having It All In Motherhood That's Been On My Mind
The concept of “having it all” in motherhood is something many moms are all too familiar with.
You try to have healthy relationships with your family, stay connected with friends, manage a home, keep track of appointments and everything else. All of this while trying to find a moment to breathe and avoid making mistakes.
This mental load and the pressure to excel in every area of life isn’t just unrealistic—it’s downright overwhelming.
Messages out there saying it’s possible to achieve “balance” and accomplish all things with the right routine is doing more harm than good.
It’s time to shift the narrative and acknowledge that it’s perfectly okay not to juggle everything flawlessly.
In fact, letting go of this pressure can lead to a more fulfilling experience in motherhood.
This post will explore why the ‘have it all’ mentality is damaging and offer alternative perspectives that promote maternal well-being and personal happiness.
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The Origin of the ‘Have It All’ Myth
To understand why the idea of ‘having it all’ in motherhood is so ingrained in our culture, it’s helpful to look at where it came from.
When women started to enter the workforce, people started to build this belief that we can handle anything on our own.
Of course, this was incredibly empowering at the time because, of course, we can take care of ourselves. But too much of anything becomes toxic.
Breaking free from traditional gender roles morphed into an almost unattainable standard, especially for mothers. The pressure to be a high achiever in every aspect of life has only intensified in today’s world.
Social media has played a significant role in perpetuating this myth.
Scrolling through Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, it’s easy to feel like everyone else has figured it out.
The perfectly styled homes, the meticulously planned activities with the kids, the career milestones—all of these images create an illusion that ‘having it all’ in motherhood is not just possible, but expected.
The Toll of Trying to ‘Have It All’ in Motherhood
But what does this expectation do to us?
The answer is simple: it adds to the mental load that moms are already carrying.
When you’re trying to juggle a career, family, personal growth, and social obligations, the mental checklist never ends.
There’s always something we hold against ourselves. Did we say the right thing to our kid? I wonder if I need to do more things for my son, etc.
If we perceive that we did something wrong or harmed someone, we often feel a deep sense of guilt and self-criticism.
And because we try to do all things, there’s little time to take care of our personal goals - we don’t see ourselves as worthy of time.
The impact of this pressure doesn’t stop with the individual mom. It often spills over into relationships, causing tension and resentment.
When you’re stretched too thin, it’s hard to be fully present with your partner or your children.
The expectation to ‘have it all’ in motherhood can strain even the strongest relationships, leading to misunderstandings and a lack of connection.
What Are Your Priorities?
So, what’s the alternative? Instead of trying to ‘have it all,’ what if we focused on what truly matters to each of us individually?
True success in motherhood—and life—comes from knowing what’s important to you and prioritizing those things above all else.
This can change day-to-day, week-to-week, or month-to-month.
You may need to redefine what a productive and fulfilling day looks like for you.
Maybe it’s not about getting everything on your to-do list done, but rather about spending quality time with your children or taking a moment for yourself.
It might mean saying no to certain obligations so you can say yes to what matters.
Identifying your values and goals is a powerful way to start this process. What do you truly care about? What brings you joy and fulfillment? Focusing on these things helps you let go of the need to meet external expectations.
It’s hard to release internalized expectations, but it’s crucial for your well-being.
This might mean letting go of the idea that your home needs to be spotless at all times or that you need to attend every social event.
It’s about focusing on what’s most important to you and your family.
Practical Steps for Embracing More Realistic Expectations
Once you’ve redefined what success means to you, the next step is to implement practical changes that support this new perspective.
Here are some strategies to help you embrace a more fulfilling experience in motherhood:
- Setting Boundaries:
- Establish clear boundaries between different areas of your life, such as work and family time. This might mean setting specific work hours or designating certain times of the day for family activities. By setting boundaries, you can protect your mental and emotional energy and prevent burnout.
- Delegating and Asking for Help:
- It’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s enlisting your partner to take on more household responsibilities or asking a friend or family member to help with childcare, delegating tasks can lighten your load.
- Self-Care and Rest:
- Prioritize self-care as an essential part of your routine. This could be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to relax, meditate, or do something you enjoy. Rest is also vital—don’t underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep or a quiet moment to yourself.
- Mindfulness and Acceptance:
- Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce stress. This might involve mindful breathing exercises, meditation, or simply taking a moment to appreciate the small joys in your day. Acceptance is also important—accepting that you can’t do everything perfectly and that it’s okay to have limitations. I highly recommend this book if you’re looking for some exercises to help you with these.
By incorporating these strategies into your life, you can reduce the mental load. It’s not about doing everything but about doing what matters most to you.
Again, We Don’t Need to “Have It All” in Motherhood
In a world that constantly tells us we need to ‘have it all,’ it’s important to remember that we don’t have to meet every expectation placed on us.
We don’t even need to meet all the expectations we place on ourselves based on the messages we’ve been told.
The pressure to excel in every area of life is not only unrealistic but also harmful. It’s okay to let go of the ‘have it all’ mentality and focus on what truly matters to you.
By redefining success, setting boundaries, asking for help, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a life that feels more fulfilling and enjoyable.
Remember, motherhood is not about being perfect—it’s about being present, connected, and true to yourself.
So, take a deep breath, let go of the guilt, and live a life that aligns with your values. If you want to get started with this, make sure to grab my FREE Letting Go of Mom Guilt workbook. Sign up below: