Depleted Mother Syndrome: How to Cope When Burning Out
To keep it real with you, motherhood isn’t as joyful as we all anticipate. Many moms find themselves feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. It’s not just about being tired though; it’s a deeper, more pervasive exhaustion that can lead to something known as Depleted Mother Syndrome (aka maternal burnout).
This goes beyond the usual ups and downs of parenting and can lead to physical, emotional, and mental burnout if not addressed.
Some of us knew the risk going into motherhood but I bet some of you anticipated that if you raise your kid right, stress will be minimal.
I’m sure you know now that it’s incredibly demanding.
That doesn’t mean we don’t love our children and enjoy spending time with them, it’s normal not to enjoy all aspects.
In this post, we’ll explore what depleted mother syndrome is, how it differs from everyday tiredness, and most importantly, practical strategies to help you cope with and overcome burnout.
Whether you’re feeling mildly stressed or deeply depleted, these tips will guide you toward reclaiming your energy and joy in motherhood.
Throughout, I’ll use the term maternal burnout interchangeably with depleted mother syndrome.
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Understanding Depleted Mother Syndrome
What Is Depleted Mother Syndrome?
Depleted mother syndrome isn’t a formal term used to describe the all-consuming exhaustion moms feel as a result of all their responsibilities but I do see it growing in popularity.
In research articles, I mostly see it described as maternal burnout.
That aside, maternal burnout is more than just being tired after a long day.
It’s a state of chronic physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that can affect every aspect of your life. Unlike normal fatigue, which can be remedied with a good night’s sleep or a short break, depletion is more persistent and deeply rooted.
It’s the result of prolonged stress and demands that outpace your ability to recover.
Essentially, you’re using up more resources than you have.
Many moms experience this without even realizing it.
They push through the exhaustion, thinking it’s just part of the job. But when your energy reserves are constantly running on empty, it can lead to serious consequences for your health and well-being.
Causes and Contributors
Several factors contribute to depleted mother syndrome.
The constant demands of caring for children, especially in the early years, can be overwhelming.
Lack of sleep, juggling multiple roles, and the mental load of managing, well, pretty much everything to do with the family, all add up.
Then there are the societal pressures—being a “supermom,” returning to work quickly, maintaining a perfect home—that can make you feel like you’re never doing enough.
Emotional and mental exhaustion also plays a significant role. The unrelenting responsibility of motherhood, combined with the expectation to always be “on,” can leave you feeling drained and disconnected from your own needs and desires. This is also related to perfectionism and worrying about making mistakes.
Long-Term Effects
If left unchecked, depleted mother syndrome can have long-term effects on your physical and mental health.
Chronic stress can lead to conditions like anxiety, depression, and even physical illnesses such as heart disease or autoimmune disorders.
Emotionally, you might find yourself feeling resentful, isolated, or detached from the joys of motherhood. Over time, this can lead to a loss of identity, where you no longer recognize the person you were before becoming a mom.
Identifying Burnout Symptoms in Depleted Moms
Physical Signs
Your body does a great job telling you what you need.
When your energy is depleted you’ll feel tired all the time even if you get 8 hours of sleep. Other physical signs could include painful headaches, body aches, and frequent colds/illnesses.
Your body is so worn out, it can no longer protect you.
Emotional and Mental Signs
We all know what we’re like when we’re tired. Grumpy, snappy, and overall in a crabby mood.
When you’re chronically tired, it’s a constant battle with irritability, anxiousness, or overwhelm.
Small things that never used to bother you might now trigger a strong emotional response. You could also experience feelings of resentment—toward your partner, your children, or even yourself—for not being able to keep up with the demands.
Mentally, you might feel foggy, unable to focus, or detached from your daily life. You know, like you probably did after giving birth.
Tasks that once seemed manageable can now feel insurmountable. The joy and satisfaction you once felt in motherhood might be replaced by a sense of going through the motions, just trying to get through the day.
Behavioural Changes
Burnout can also cause changes in your behaviour.
You might start withdrawing from social activities or avoiding interactions with others because you simply don’t have the energy.
You may find yourself neglecting self-care, skipping meals, or foregoing things you used to enjoy. Even basic tasks, like getting out of bed or taking a shower, can feel like monumental challenges.
Reclaiming Your Energy Through Self-Awareness and Self-Care
Practice Emotional Check-Ins
I’m a big advocate for self-awareness and reflection.
Regularly checking in with yourself emotionally can help you identify when you’re starting to feel depleted. It will also help you figure out what you need on a day-to-day basis. Ask yourself questions like, “How am I feeling today?” and “What do I need right now?”
Acknowledging your emotions—whether it’s frustration, sadness, or exhaustion—can help you address them before they lead to full-blown burnout.
Create a Personalized Wellness Plan
Creating a personalized wellness plan can help you make sure your needs are met, even on the busiest days.
Start by identifying activities that replenish your energy, whether it’s taking a short walk, reading a book, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea.
Schedule these activities into your day just as you would any other important task. Nothing needs to be elaborate here - just be as consistent as you can. A coach I spoke to gave me the advice to come up with different versions of habits that can help me meet my needs.
For example, if you like to run every day but you’re too depleted to do so, walking for 10 minutes could be an effective alternative.
Incorporate Micro Self-Care Moments
For busy moms, finding time for self-care can feel impossible.
That’s where micro self-care moments come in.
These are small, manageable practices that you can integrate into your day without taking much time.
It could be something as simple as taking five deep breaths before getting out of bed or stretching for a few minutes
Strengthening Your Support System
Building a Network
Having a strong support network is essential for any mom, especially when you’re feeling depleted.
This network can include your partner, family, friends, or other moms who understand the unique challenges of motherhood.
Consider joining a local moms’ group or an online community where you can share your experiences, seek advice, and offer support to others.
Sometimes, just knowing that you’re not alone can be incredibly comforting.
Utilizing Resources
In addition to people, there are plenty of practical resources that can help alleviate some of the daily burdens of motherhood.
Meal delivery services, grocery pickups, and childcare options are just a few examples. Don’t hesitate to take advantage of these resources if you have the money.
They’re there to help lighten your load so you can focus on what truly matters—your needs.
Redefining Expectations and Setting Boundaries
Rid of Perfectionism
One of the biggest energy drainers for moms is the pressure to be perfect.
Society often sets unrealistic expectations for mothers, making it seem like you need to have it all together all the time. Sometimes, we place these unrealistic expectations on ourselves.
But striving for perfection is a sure path to burnout.
Instead, permit yourself to let go of the idea of being the “perfect” mom. Embrace the fact that you’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. You just need to be the good enough mom.
Prioritizing Essential Tasks
When you’re feeling depleted, it’s important to focus on what truly matters and let go of the rest.
Prioritize essential tasks that align with your values and contribute to your well-being.
This might mean letting go of certain household chores or saying no to social obligations that drain your energy.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a powerful way to protect your energy and well-being.
This means saying no to things that don’t serve you and setting limits on what you’re willing to take on.
For example, if you find that constant phone notifications are stressing you out, set boundaries around when you check your messages.
Communicate these boundaries clearly to your family and friends so they can support you in maintaining them.
Boundaries are not about shutting others out; they’re about ensuring that your needs are respected and met.
Burnout is a common challenge for many moms, but it doesn’t have to be an inevitable part of motherhood.
By recognizing the signs of depleted mother syndrome, practicing self-awareness, and implementing practical coping strategies, you can reclaim your energy and find joy in your role as a mother.
Start today by taking one small step—whether it’s a micro self-care moment, setting a boundary, or reaching out for help. And if you feel guilty for feeling this way, to begin with, start with self-reflection using my letting go of mom guilt journal. Sign up below: