The Hardest Lessons I Had to Learn About Mom Guilt
Mastering emotion regulation is not easy, let alone managing mom guilt. As the first year of motherhood went by, I learned some hard lessons about mom guilt that I think all moms should know sooner rather than later.
I talk a lot about mom guilt on this blog because we know it exists but rarely do anything to examine its source and determine if it needs to be there. Sometimes we feel guilt when we shouldn't have to - serving a sentence we don't deserve.
I went through the nagging guilt for a long time, over little things I didn't need to feel guilty about.
Today, I'm sharing three of the hard truths and insights I've garnered about these lessons about mom guilt so you can apply them in your own journey through motherhood.
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Lesson One: Recognizing Guilt vs. Instinct
Especially at the beginning of motherhood, the first hard lesson I learned about mom guilt was distinguishing between guilt and instinct.
Early on, I often confused my gut feelings with guilt.
Something I regret not doing was sleep training my son. Sleep training is a controversial topic but the thing is, I was letting all the information I hear on social media get to my head.
Many moms expressed how cruel sleep training is and how they could never do that to their children. Naturally, guilt would creep up whenever I thought about sleep training him, so it didn't happen.
The thing is, my gut told me I should've - but, I ignored it.
Now, my son is having a really difficult time putting himself to sleep and he wakes up multiple times in the night if he isn't in bed with my partner and me.
So, sleep training is a work in progress but this situation has taught me to trust my instincts when it comes to my son and not let other mom's thoughts get to my head. I can use my critical thinking hat and decide what information is useful for me to take in.
Making a decision that's best for my and my family's well-being is not a reason to feel guilty.
So remember, guilt often clouds our instincts and prevents us from making decisions genuinely in our best interest.
Lesson Two: Accepting Imperfection
The second hard lesson came when I realized that perfection is unattainable and striving for it only amplifies mom guilt.
I remember the countless days I spent stressing and worrying if I was doing everything right.
I think we know that perfection is unattainable but there's still a part of us that wants to be perfect. Because, when we're "perfect," we're generally accepted by others. We're social creatures and we want other people to admire us.
In this case, we want our parents, children, partners, friends, and other moms to think we're on top of the world. We want to be perceived as the best.
One night, after an exhausting day of trying to stay on top of everything, I broke down.
I wanted to do all the cleaning and thought people would be impressed that I could manage household work and take care of a newborn. However, I was burnt out. I should've spent most of my time trying to understand my son and get the hang of breastfeeding.
Looking back, I don't know why I cared so much.
I learned that it’s okay to make mistakes and that imperfection is a part of motherhood. To navigate this lesson, I started giving myself grace. I started to acknowledge that doing my best and working on my priorities was enough.
This mindset shift helped me alleviate some of the unnecessary guilt and allowed me to trust my instincts more.
Lesson Three: Setting Boundaries for Self-Care
Perhaps one of the most transformative lessons was learning to set boundaries and prioritize self-care.
Initially, I felt guilty for needing time away from my baby to recharge. I thought taking time for myself was selfish.
However, an enlightening moment came when I realized that taking care of myself was essential for my well-being and my ability to care for my baby.
I started scheduling small pockets of "me time" and noticed a significant improvement in my mood and patience.
This change not only benefited me but also positively impacted my family because I feel recharged and prepared to take on the unexpected and truly engage with them.
Strategies to Overcome These Lessons with the Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal
While hard lessons are inevitable, the Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal can significantly ease your journey around managing mom guilt. Here’s how to leverage it to overcome these hurdles:
- Journal Prompts: Use the journal to reflect on the thoughts contributing to your guilt. This will help you differentiate between actions that you should feel guilty for and ones that you shouldn't.
- Reflection: Reflect on your decisions and identify the underlying emotions driving them and the thoughts driving the emotion. Is there enough evidence to support your thinking? Through reflection, you'll discover your perfectionistic thinking and with practice, you'll notice when you fall into this thinking trap.
- Reframing: When you note the thoughts you have that make you feel guilty as a mom, you'll have an easier time reframing them into something that's more supportive. When you have more supportive thoughts, you'll have an easier time setting boundaries and setting time aside for self-care.
No journey around mom guilt is free from trials. As I have shared, they will be tough, but they are worth it in the end.
Ready to smooth your learning curve? Download the Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal now and get a boost on your journey to letting go of mom guilt and embracing motherhood with confidence. Sign up below: