Setting Boundaries: One Thing Moms Should Do for Greater Confidence
Are you a new mom struggling to set boundaries, leading to little time for yourself and an overwhelming amount of unwanted advice?
This one thing helped me significantly in establishing those much-needed boundaries, and I am confident it will help you too. Here's why.
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The Importance of Setting Boundaries for New Moms
From pregnancy and beyond, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of opinions and expectations.
I still feel that way almost one year later.
Everyone has their opinions about how a baby should be raised, and because I internalized some of these expectations, I barely asked for help or for some time to myself to reset.
The lack of boundaries left me feeling exhausted, inadequate, and guilty for wanting time alone.
Setting boundaries became essential for my mental health and my ability to be the best mom I could be.
It allowed me to reclaim my time, make decisions confidently, and focus on what truly mattered—my well-being and my baby.
Do you feel guilty when you set boundaries? The good news is that guilt comes from our thoughts, which can be changed! Grab my Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal to help you do that! Sign up below:
The One Thing: Clear Communication
It should be obvious that clear communication is pretty much the only way you can set boundaries, but really we let our fear get in the way.
Naturally, I was skeptical about using clear communication to set boundaries because it can’t be that simple.
How can we possibly tell people that we need space or don’t need to hear that we should give our baby gripe water without hurting their feelings?
However, I gave it my best shot and reminded myself that I must do it. How people feel about what I say has to do with them - I can’t control how people respond, all I can do is be respectful.
Ultimately, I noticed that expressing my needs and limits clearly and consistently was a game changer.
It not only helped me carve out time for myself but also reduced the amount of unsolicited advice I received.
By communicating openly, I set expectations and created a more supportive environment for myself and my family.
Steps to Implement Clear Communication
Now that you understand what clear communication is and how it can help you achieve more balanced and respectful relationships, here's how you can integrate it into your routine using the DEAR MAN strategy from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT):
Step #1: Describe
Start by clearly describing the current situation without any judgment. Stick to the facts.
For example, "I've noticed that I don’t get much time for myself because I spend most of my time with the baby."
Step #2: Express
Express your feelings and thoughts about the situation.
Use "I" statements to keep the focus on your perspective.
For example, "I feel overwhelmed and stressed with the baby because I don’t get any time to myself to do the things I enjoy.”
Step #3: Assert
Assert your needs or desires clearly and respectfully. Be direct and specific about what you want.
For example, "I need some time just to breathe, read a book, or engage in a hobby without worrying about the baby and the house.”
Step #4: Reinforce
Reinforce the positive outcomes of respecting your boundaries. Explain how it will benefit both you and them.
For example, "If I have the space to reset for even 30 minutes daily, this will help me be more present with the family."
Need more help overcoming mom guilt and getting more "me time?" Check out these blog posts:
MOVING FROM PUTTING EVERYONE FIRST TO PRIORITIZING MY HAPPINESS
ONE POWERFUL STEP TO CARVE OUT ME-TIME WITHOUT THE GUILT
BEFORE YOU TACKLE MOM GUILT ALONE, READ THIS
THE ULTIMATE CHECKLIST FOR SELF-CARE DURING MOTHERHOOD
Step #5: Mindful
Stay focused on your goals and the present conversation.
Avoid getting sidetracked by other issues or emotions.
For example, if the conversation veers off course, gently steer it back with, "Let's stay focused on how we can support each other with this."
Step #6: Appear Confident
Maintain a confident stance. Use a calm tone of voice, make eye contact, and avoid apologizing for having needs. Be assertive and don’t waver.
Step #7: Negotiate
Be open to negotiation and compromise. Show willingness to find a solution that works for everyone.
For example, "I understand you work hard and need your time too. Maybe we can find a balance where you can relax throughout the week after work but stay with the baby for a few hours so I can do what I need to reset.”
The above example is exactly what I did with my partner because I felt the load was unfairly on my shoulders. This strategy was incredibly useful for helping me set boundaries and improve my communication skills.
You can use it to help you carve out some “me time” and even to deal with unsolicited advice.
Keeping all things in perspective, clear communication using the DEAR MAN strategy can be the game changer you need to establish the boundaries that will support your well-being and your role as a mom.
Give it a try and witness the transformation yourself!
Want to supercharge your progress towards setting effective boundaries? Grab my FREE Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal, filled with prompts to help you change your thoughts and let go of the guilt holding you back from setting boundaries. Click here to get your free copy.
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