How to Recognize Your Worth in Motherhood
If you’re struggling to set boundaries and set time aside for yourself, you probably don’t recognize your worth.
Trust me, you're not alone.
So, in this bite-sized, yet robust guide, I break down the journey to recognizing your self-worth in motherhood into manageable steps.
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Understanding the Basics of Increasing Your Worth in Motherhood
It's essential to recognize that you shouldn't determine your worth by how much you sacrifice for your family or how well you meet expectations.
Your worth lies in your inherent value as a person, separate from your role as a caregiver.
We’re all born with value and worthiness - it isn’t something you need to build despite what you might’ve been led to believe.
Understanding this fundamental truth is the first step toward recognizing your worth in motherhood.
Interested in how you can use your self-worth to be more comfortable with setting boundaries and reserving some "me-time?" Grab my Letting Go of Mom Guilt Journal so that you can build belief in yourself and develop the courage to stand up for your needs. Sign up below:
Step-by-Step Guide to Recognizing Your Worth in Motherhood
Step 1: Recognize Your Inherent Value
Self-worth in motherhood is not tied to your productivity or sacrifices. Understanding this is crucial.
When you recognize your worth as being contingent on how well your family respects you, loves you, and expresses their appreciation for you, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.
Self-worth is one of two components of self-esteem. The other component of self-esteem is competence. Our self-esteem is based on how much we like ourselves (self-worth) and how well we think we execute activities and skills (competency).
The problem with measuring self-worth based on external yardsticks like other people, money, appearance, and so on is that if you don’t do well in these things or if someone says something bad about you, you don’t think you are a good enough human.
So, the first step is to take time to reflect on your unique strengths, qualities, and accomplishments outside of motherhood.
Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, happiness, respect, and self-care simply because you exist.
Step 2: Challenge Your Negative Self-Talk
There are many strategies that you can use to challenge your negative self-talk. I teach many of them in my Reclaim Your Time Mini-Course for moms.
A strategy that’s particularly useful here is to evaluate the evidence.
If you journal daily or take moments to sit with your thoughts, you’ll quickly figure out what criticisms you tell yourself.
When you notice that criticism, evaluate whether there’s enough evidence to support that thought or not.
If there isn’t, work on replacing that criticism with a thought that will help you see your value.
Need more support? Check out my other blog posts:
BEFORE YOU TACKLE MOM GUILT ALONE, READ THIS
MY JOURNEY: THE TRANSFORMATION OF LETTING GO OF MOM GUILT
THE ULTIMATE CHECKLIST FOR SELF-CARE DURING MOTHERHOOD
DEFINING MATRESCENCE AND HOW TO ADJUST TO NEW MOTHERHOOD
Step 3: Practice Self-Compassion
Cultivating self-compassion is key to recognizing your worth in motherhood.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Additionally, forgive your past self for the mistakes you’ve made.
Likewise, embrace imperfection and let go of unrealistic expectations. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and learn from your mistakes without self-judgment.
To help you do these things, you can use these three affirmations created by Adam Sicinski:
- I accept the good, the bad and the ugly;
- I fully accept every part of myself including my flaws, fears, behaviours, and qualities I might not be too proud of;
- This is how I am, and I am at peace with that
Personal Insights on Recognizing Your Worth in Motherhood
As moms, we so badly want approval and recognition from our kids and partners that we’re doing a good job. We want appreciation for our efforts.
I remember when I first started learning about the importance of recognizing my inherent worth as a mother.
My value at the time was contingent on how much I could do for my family, often neglecting my own needs in the process. I would think, “OK if I can get all the dishes done before my partner comes home from work, I’m a good wife and have my shit together.”
But when I couldn’t complete my tasks because I, frankly, was sleep-deprived, I put myself down. As if how well I could do housework determined my worth.
I was tired of needing to be on top of my to-do list to value myself.
However, by journalling and researching, I discovered what it means to be self-compassionate. This led me through the rabbit hole of research on self-worth.
I discovered that my worth is not tied to my achievements or sacrifices.
When I began to prioritize my needs even if it meant leaving my house unclean or being away from my son, I began to accept myself. I started to feel happier and more fulfilled as a mom.
I now see my self-worth in motherhood. And I hope you begin to recognize your worth too.
Conclusion
Overall, it takes managing and noticing your thoughts to recognize your worth. You need to see your inherent value, challenge your destructive self-criticism, and practice self-compassion if you find yourself devaluing your time and energy and worthiness.
Now that you've got the basics down and have walked through these easy-to-follow steps, you're one step closer to mastering the ability to recognize your worth as a person, outside of motherhood.
If you're eager to work on seeing your value more and delve deeper into the intricacies of your thoughts, make sure to grab my journal, 'Letting Go of Mom Guilt'. This journal provides prompts to help you uncover the root causes of your emotions. The goal is to build a new belief system that fosters self-worth and empowerment. Sign up below:
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